How to Build a New Support System After Divorce
- Jodie Graham
- May 13
- 4 min read
Updated: 7 days ago
The first time I sat alone in my kitchen after the split, I opened my phone, scrolled through my contacts… and realized I didn’t know who to call. Not because I didn’t have people in my life, but because everything felt different. I wasn’t sure who was still “my person” now that I wasn’t part of a couple.
Sound familiar?
That’s the thing no one really warns you about after divorce: the way your social world shifts. Some people fade out. Others surprise you. And suddenly, you're craving connection, not surface-level chats, but people who actually get what you're going through.
That’s where the real work begins, not just healing, but rebuilding your support system from the ground up. Not for appearances, not out of obligation, but for you.
And it all starts with one simple but powerful step that is captured perfectly in this quote from Oprah Winfrey: “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.”
Let’s talk about how to do exactly that,step by step, without pretending it’s easy, but knowing it’s worth it.
1. Reconnect (or Connect More Deeply) with Friends and Family
Let’s start with the familiar. Friends and family can become your anchors during this time, but sometimes we forget to reach out. Or maybe we assume people are too busy, or worse, we isolate ourselves because we don’t want to be a burden.
Reality: the people who love you want to be there for you. Sometimes, they just need an invitation.
Start simple: a text, a call, a coffee invite. Choose the ones who make you feel safe, not judged. The ones who don’t rush your healing. The ones who say, “Whatever you need, I’ve got you.”
And if your circle is small or has shifted dramatically because of your divorce,don’t worry. This is your chance to intentionally build a support system that’s aligned with who you’re becoming, not who you were.
2. Join a Support Group (Online or In Real Life)
There’s something really comforting about sitting in a room, virtual or otherwise, with people who just get it. Who won’t flinch at your raw honesty. Who’ve had those sleepless nights and "what now?" moments.
Support groups are one of the most healing tools out there. Whether you find one at a local community centre, church, therapist's office, or on platforms like Facebook and Reddit, you’ll discover that there’s a whole world of people walking this same path.
These aren’t just spaces to vent (though those have their place). The best support groups help you learn, grow, and rebuild. They offer tips for co-parenting, dating again, managing emotions, setting boundaries, you name it. And more importantly, they offer connection.
Because yes, grief is part of divorce but so is growth.
3. Seek Professional Guidance
Sometimes we need more than friendly advice. We need someone trained to help us unpack the emotional, mental, and practical layers that come with divorce.
Enter: therapists, counsellors, and divorce coaches.
A good professional won’t just listen, they’ll help you:
Rebuild your identity outside of marriage
Manage feelings like guilt, shame, or anxiety
Understand patterns that may have led to the relationship breakdown
Set healthy boundaries for the future
And let’s not forget the practical side of things: financial advisors and legal professionals can help you get your footing in the new logistics of life, especially if you're juggling custody, asset division, or budgeting solo for the first time in years.
It’s okay to say, “I need help.” In fact, it’s one of the strongest things you can do.
4. Redefine What “Support” Means to You
Here’s a mindset shift that helped me: you don’t need one person to be your everything.
One of the beautiful things about post-divorce life is that you get to rebuild your world intentionally. You get to choose what support looks like.
Maybe it’s:
A friend who brings over dinner and doesn’t ask questions
A co-worker who always knows when you need a distraction
A neighbour who watches your kids while you breathe
A therapist or coach who reminds you that you're not broken, just healing
A gym buddy who helps you move your energy
When you diversify your support system, you avoid burnout (yours and theirs), and you create more resilience. It’s like emotional cross-training.
5. Let Go of What (and Who) No Longer Serves You
This part might sting a little but it’s so freeing.
Not everyone will make it to your next chapter. Some friends may fade. Some family members may not know how to show up. Some people may even judge you for choosing yourself.
Let them go.
This is your chance to declutter your emotional world. Let go of toxic ties, half-hearted relationships, or connections that drain more than they give.
Because building a support system after divorce isn’t just about adding new people,it’s also about clearing space for the right ones.
You deserve relationships that make you feel seen, supported, and strengthened.
Remember what Oprah said? “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” That includes people who speak life into you. Who challenges you in love. Who celebrates your progress, no matter how slow. That’s your new standard.
Support System After Divorce
If your world feels upside down right now, take heart, this is just one chapter, not your whole story.
You are not defined by your divorce. You are not alone in your healing. And you are absolutely capable of building a life and a support system that feels like home.
Start small. Be patient. Trust that the people who are meant to walk this journey with you will find you, especially when you're open, honest, and willing to grow.
So go ahead, text that friend, find that support group, schedule that therapy session. Your future support squad is waiting. And they're ready to help lift you higher.
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