Navigating Holidays as Co-Parents: 4 Strategies for Success
- Jodie Graham
- Nov 15
- 4 min read
Holidays can stir up a lot of emotion when you're co-parenting.
There is the pressure to create magical moments, the logistics of schedules and travel, and the reality that you are no longer celebrating as one family. Add in different traditions, blended families, and extended relatives, and it is no wonder so many co-parents feel overwhelmed before the first present is even wrapped.
But here is the good news: with a bit of planning, a focus on what truly matters, and a willingness to stay flexible, it is absolutely possible to create meaningful holidays without the stress spiral.
Here are four strategies that can help Navigating Holidays as Co-Parents more peaceful, predictable, and joyful for everyone involved, especially your kids.
1. Plan Ahead Well in Advance
There is no way around it. Holidays require logistics. And when you're co-parenting, clear communication before emotions run high is key.
Waiting until mid-December to sort things out is a recipe for tension. Instead, aim to discuss holiday plans a couple of months in advance. Put everything on the table, who has the kids when, how long, travel details, and even who is handling gifts or major events.
If you already have a parenting agreement that outlines holiday time, great. Use that as your starting point. But even then, it is worth checking in. Schedules shift, families grow, and expectations evolve.
Helpful tip: Write everything down. Whether it is a shared Google Calendar, a co-parenting app, or a clear email, having it in writing helps prevent misunderstandings and keeps things as neutral as possible.
2. Focus on Your Children’s Experience
It is easy to get caught up in your own version of what the holidays should look like, especially if traditions have changed or time is now split. But this is where it helps to zoom out and ask: What will make the holiday season feel good for my children?
That does not mean you ignore your own needs. But it does mean putting the kids' emotional well-being at the centre. Do they feel safe and cared for? Are they able to enjoy the season without guilt or pressure? Are both parents showing up as their best, most regulated selves?
Sometimes, putting your children first means biting your tongue. Sometimes, it means adjusting your expectations and letting go of the idea that “real” holidays only happen a certain way.
As Christopher McCandless wrote, “Happiness is only real when shared.” And when your children feel that the adults around them are cooperating, showing respect, and working together, they feel safe enough to enjoy the holidays no matter where they are.
3. Stay Flexible and Have a Back-Up Plan
Even with the best intentions, life happens. Flights get cancelled. Kids get sick. People change their minds. That is why flexibility is not just helpful… it is essential.
Instead of clinging tightly to one vision of how the holidays must go, try approaching it with curiosity. How can we make this work for everyone this year?
Flexibility might mean alternating holiday celebrations each year. It could mean celebrating a day early so your kids can experience meaningful moments with both parents. It might even mean joining forces for a shared holiday dinner if that feels healthy and manageable for your situation.
And when things do not go to plan (because sometimes they won’t), focus on problem-solving instead of blame. Remember, the goal is not perfection. It is creating a calm and connected experience for your children.
Helpful tip: Have a Plan B and talk about it in advance. Knowing what happens if plans change removes a huge layer of stress when the unexpected shows up.
4. Create New Traditions and Let Go of the Old, If Needed
Some holiday traditions will stay. Others might not. That can bring up grief but also new possibilities.
If this is your first holiday season post-separation, give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up. And then, when you are ready, start thinking about what could be meaningful for you and your kids now. What new traditions can you create that reflect your current reality?
Maybe it is pancake brunch in pajamas. Maybe it is crafting handmade decorations. Maybe it is a long winter walk with hot chocolate and no pressure to make everything look perfect.
This is not about forcing joy. It is about giving yourself and your children permission to build something new. Something real. Something yours.
And if you are spending the holidays solo while your children are with the other parent, try not to see it as “missing out.” This could be a chance to rest, connect with your chosen family, travel, or simply do something different that nourishes you.
Final Thoughts Navigating Holidays as Co-Parents: You Are Doing Better Than You Think
Co-parenting during the holidays is rarely easy. It can stir up old wounds, test your patience, and challenge your ability to stay grounded. But with thoughtful planning, open communication, and a genuine focus on what matters, your kids’ well-being…it can absolutely work.
You do not have to get everything right. You just have to keep showing up with care and intention.
And remember this: peace in your home matters more than any matching pyjama photo or Pinterest-perfect holiday spread.
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