What’s Holding You Where You Are?

Jodie Graham
Aug 20
5 min read

Updated: Sep 1

Have you ever had the unsettling feeling that your life is moving forward on the surface, yet underneath you are standing still? You go to work, you manage responsibilities, you check things off your list, and to everyone around you, it seems like you are doing fine. But when the day quiets down and you are left with your own thoughts, there is a heaviness. It feels as if something invisible is keeping you in place.

Woman in a hoodie and shorts stands on a beach at sunrise, watching waves crash. The scene is serene, with soft, warm lighting.

It is a bit like living in a house that no longer fits you. The walls are too tight, the furniture feels outdated, but you keep walking the same path from the kitchen to the living room because it is familiar. And even though you know you are ready for something different, you cannot quite name what is holding you where you are.

The reality is, what keeps many of us stuck is not a lack of opportunity or motivation. It is the hidden beliefs, the quiet stories, and the emotional patterns we carry without even noticing. They are like invisible strings that tether us to an outdated version of ourselves. The moment you begin to see those strings clearly, you create the possibility of living more powerfully in the present.

So let us gently explore what those strings might look like.

The Beliefs You Never Consciously Chose

We all carry beliefs that shape the way we see ourselves and the world. Some of them were spoken out loud by parents, teachers, or peers. Others we picked up silently, like background noise that seeped in over the years.

Perhaps you grew up hearing, “Money is always scarce” and as an adult, you hesitate to invest in yourself even when it would help you grow. Or maybe you were praised only when you excelled, so you learned that your worth depends on achievement. Decades later, you find it difficult to rest because rest feels undeserved.

These beliefs feel real because they have been with you for so long. But feeling real and being true are not the same thing.

One client of mine discovered that her entire adult life was shaped by the belief that she was valuable only when she was useful. She volunteered for everything, helped everyone, and said yes to every request until she was drained and resentful.

The belief began in childhood when helping out was the only way she felt noticed. Once she traced it back, she could finally question it. Was her worth truly measured by how much she gave? Or could she hold value simply by being who she was? That shift opened the door to an entirely new way of living.

The Stories You Keep Repeating

If beliefs are the roots, stories are the branches. They grow out of past experiences and twist into the shape of how you explain your life to yourself.

After divorce, the story might be, “I am too difficult to love.” After losing a job, it could sound like, “I will never succeed or I am not valued.” We rarely notice these stories playing in the background, but they colour every choice we make.

I once worked with a woman who carried the story, “I am not lovable.” It began in her teenage years after a painful breakup, and it travelled with her into adulthood. In every relationship, she over-gave, over-apologized, and accepted less than she deserved because deep down she believed the story.

When she finally recognized it as just that, a story rather than a fact, she was able to write a new version. Not a sugar-coated one, but an honest one: “I am worthy of love and respect, even if relationships end.” That rewrite changed how she showed up, and for the first time, she experienced relationships as a place of choice rather than desperation.

The Emotional Patterns That Keep You Looping

Even when you uncover the beliefs and question the stories, there is another layer. Your body remembers. Emotional patterns from the past are wired into your nervous system, and they often show up before your mind has time to intervene.

If you grew up in a home where conflict meant shouting, you may shut down every time someone raises their voice, even in adulthood. If you learned early on that anger was dangerous, you may still swallow frustration, even when the cost is your own health.

One client of mine had mastered the art of avoiding conflict. She smiled, nodded, and agreed, even when she wanted to scream. Inside, she was frustrated and exhausted. The pattern came from childhood, when speaking up felt unsafe. As an adult, she was still living by that rule without realizing it. The breakthrough came when she connected the dots. Her fear of conflict was not about the present. It belonged to the past.

She began practicing small acts of honesty, like saying no at a restaurant or disagreeing in a work meeting. Each time, she proved to herself that conflict did not equal danger. Over time, a new pattern began to form, and with it came freedom she had not felt in years.

Why the Past Only Holds Power if You Let It

This is not about blaming the past or endlessly analyzing where you came from. It is about shining a light on how much of your present is still shaped by old conditioning.

Once you name the belief, the story, or the emotional pattern that has been steering you, you create space for choice. You can keep walking the familiar path, or you can try a new one.

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself right now.

What belief about myself feels heavy when I say it out loud?
What story do I tell myself that makes me smaller than I really am?
What emotion shows up most often when I feel stuck, and where might it come from?

These questions are not about fixing yourself. They are about noticing. And noticing is often the first step toward freedom.

Living More Powerfully in the Present

The moment you stop dragging yesterday into today, you create space for possibility. Instead of reacting out of fear, you begin responding out of clarity. Instead of shrinking, you begin expanding.

The woman who believed her worth came only from being useful and learned to say no. She had energy left at the end of the day and rediscovered her creativity.

The woman who carried the story that she was not lovable began dating again, this time without losing herself in the process.

The woman who avoided conflict asked for a raise. She received it, but more importantly, she trusted her own voice for the first time.

None of these shifts happened because the past disappeared. They happened because the past was acknowledged, understood, and then reframed.

Final Thoughts

So let me return to the question: What is holding you where you are?

Is it a belief that you never consciously chose? A story that has been on repeat for far too long? An emotional pattern your body still plays out automatically?

The answer matters less than the awareness. Because once you see it clearly, you cannot unsee it. From that moment forward, you have the power to loosen the grip of the outdated version of yourself and step into a new one.

And that new version is not just surviving. It is bold. It is present. It is fully alive.