The First 90 Days: Building a New Routine After Divorce
- Jodie Graham
- Jul 10
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 25
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.” — Aristotle
There is a strange kind of quiet that comes after the divorce papers are signed. No more late-night Google searches. No more documents to prepare. No more tough conversations to rehearse in your head.
Just space. And silence.
And somewhere in that silence, it hits you. This is it. You’re on your own again, waking up in a life that looks different. No one really prepares you for the weird in-between space that comes after divorce. It’s not dramatic. It’s not chaotic. It’s just unfamiliar.
You look around your home and realize that everything has shifted. You can eat when you want. Sleep when you want. Leave the laundry a little longer if you feel like it. And yet somehow, that freedom can feel almost as overwhelming as the loss.
So what now?
That’s where the first 90 days come in. Not as a checklist or pressure-filled plan, but as a window of opportunity. A time to gently reimagine your days and build something solid under your feet again. Not just for survival, but for something better.
Let’s talk about what it looks like to build a new routine after divorce—one small habit at a time.
1. Small Habits That Create Big Change
After a major life transition, routines often fall apart. And that is completely normal. The structure you used to rely on might no longer make sense.
This is your chance to rebuild it—not overnight, but slowly and intentionally.
Start with micro-habits. The kind that are so small they almost feel silly. Like making your bed. Drinking a full glass of water when you wake up. Standing outside for two minutes of fresh air before you check your phone.
The point is not to do everything. The point is to create consistency…the quiet kind that supports you without draining your energy.
Because let’s be honest: you probably don’t need another to-do list. What you need is something to anchor you.
And those tiny habits? They stack. They grow. They eventually shape the tone of your day.
2. Reclaiming Time You Forgot Was Yours
Post-divorce life often comes with pockets of unexpected free time, especially if you are co-parenting. At first, this can feel a little unsettling. You might feel guilty for having a quiet night. Or unsure what to do with an entire weekend to yourself.
That time is not empty. It is an invitation.
Ask yourself, what do I actually want to do now? Not what I should do. Not what I would have done in my old routine. But what feels nourishing, exciting, or even just peaceful.
Maybe you want to try a yoga class. Or take yourself out for brunch and read a book. Or finally start painting again. These don’t have to be life-changing activities. Just ones that feel like yours.
It is OK if some of that time is spent grieving. It is also OK if some of it is filled with joy. Both are part of the process.
3. What Self-Care Really Looks Like Now
Forget the social media version of self-care for a second.
Because real self-care, especially after divorce, often looks far less pretty and far more honest.
✔️ It is calling a therapist and saying, "I think I need help with this."
✔️ It is reviewing your budget even though you would rather avoid it.
✔️ It is setting boundaries with people who drain your energy.
✔️ It is choosing a quiet night over a distracting social event.
And sometimes, it is a hot bath with candles. That counts too.
What matters is that your self-care is rooted in what supports your healing and growth—not what simply fills the time.
This is your permission slip to care for yourself the way you would care for someone you love.
4. Consistency Is Where the Power Is
There will be days when you do not feel like doing anything. When your motivation disappears and your energy feels low.
This is where consistency becomes your quiet superpower.
It is not about being perfect or productive. It is about showing up anyway. Even in the smallest ways.
Consistency builds confidence. Not the loud, performative kind but the steady belief that you can trust yourself to take care of your own needs.
That matters.
You are not reinventing your life in 90 days. You are creating a rhythm that makes space for healing and growth.
5. What to Do When the Routine Falls Apart
Spoiler: it will. And that is OK.
You will have days when nothing goes as planned. When your emotions take over. When all the habits you were starting to build seem to fall apart.
That is not failure. That is life.
The power of a routine is not in never breaking it. The power is in being able to return to it. To start again. To keep going even after a hard week or a rough morning.
Start over as often as you need. That is part of the process.
6. Make Space for What Comes Next
As the days begin to feel less chaotic and more familiar, something else often happens: a sense of possibility begins to creep in.
You might find yourself laughing more. Sleeping better. Feeling inspired to try something new.
It might be subtle. It might be slow. But it is real.
This is not just the end of something. It is the very early beginning of something else.
And it is entirely yours to shape.
Building a New Routine After Divorce
The first 90 days after divorce are not about fixing your life or rushing your healing. They are about tuning into yourself again. Learning what supports you. Practicing the art of showing up for your own life.
It is not always easy. But it is deeply worth it.
Because those small, everyday choices? They are not just habits. They are declarations. That you matter. That you are healing. That you are building something new.
And that is where the real change begins.
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